anders/book-1/10.tex

\chapter{10}

There was no way he could tell how long he had slept,
but there was one thing that was definitely different:
The unconsciousness that he had fallen into had given way to a normal sleep after a while,
even though it wasn't particularly long or restorative in any form.
Even as Andrew's consciousness glid over the border between sleep and being awake like a dead-tired swimmer,
he could feel that there was real relief on the other side.
Not too much had changed.
He still had a headache and he was still a little queasy;
at the very best the two weren't as bad as before.
And his knee had stopped hurting.
At least something.
It was surprising how undemanding you get when you're feeling bad enough.

He opened his eyes and at first he felt like he was still on the other side of the river in the burnt city,
because he was still surrounded by grey twilight that removed all color and blurred the outlines of things as if he were inside of a blurred black-and-white picture.
On second glance he realized that the explanation was much simpler.
It had gotten dark outside and the holey curtains that hung in front of the windows in the surprisingly large room he was in blocked out even more of the murky light.
If he recalled the few short moments before his senses had faded it was early afternoon.
Apparently he had slept a little longer than he had thought.

That memory let a different,
more alarming picture rise to the top of Andrew's conciousness that he hastily dismissed.
He already felt miserable enough without the tasteless jokes that his overstimulated imagination kept handy.

He blinked a couple more times to get out his stupor,
propped himself up on his elbows and carefully sat up.
Something glid off his chest with a rustle and as Andrew looked down he discovered two things:
He was completely naked and someone had covered him with a shoddy sheet that was bristling with dirt and smelled as bad as the bed he was laying on.

Lightly disgusted, but also at least just as embarrassed,
he sat up completely and swung his legs off the edge of the squeaking folding cot that he had woken up on and slung the grubby sheet around his hips.
The floor that he set his naked feet on was warm.

Andrew slowly turned his head to look around the room with more attention.
The pale twilight was making it hard to discern details,
but nevertheless he saw that the room was very big and furnished with a surprising amount of furniture,
although they were all very old and in not too good of condition.
Anything near enough to discern details seemed to be made exclusively out of metal and had burn marks on it;
apparently anything flammable hadn't survived the catastrophe on this side of the river either.

He heard a sound and turned towards the door that, like the windows, only had a sheet hung in front of it.
The scrap was pushed to the side and Katt stepped in.
Andrew could only recognize her silhouette,
but he could tell that she had stopped abruptly in the middle of taking another step as she saw him sitting on the edge of the bed.

``You're awake?''

``As you can see.''
Andrew started to cough and had to swallow a few times since his voice wanted to fail him.

``Wait'', said Katt. ``I'll get you water.''

Before Andrew could stop her, she turned on her heel and out of the room.
Andrew stared after her befuddled, but he actually was thirsty;
either way she had left so quickly that she would surely be back soon.

He stood up, slung the cloth closer around his hips,
and clumsily felt around the room for his clothes.
He of course knew who had unclothed him
--- even though he wasn't entirely sure why ---,
but he thought it would be more embarrassing to get \textit{dressed} in front of her.

He just barely made it.
As the sheet was pushed to the side in front of the doorway again he was busy tying his shoes and only regarded Katt out of the corner of his eye.
She hadn't come alone.
Behind her a second,
smaller shadow
--- probably her sister ---
stepped into the room,
but stood at the doorway.
Katt carried something in her hands and as she got closer Andrew heard a quiet gurgle that escalated his thirst to an almost unbearable burning in his throat.
Without tying his shoe completely he turned around towards Katt and downright ripped the metal container from her hands.

The water was warm and tasted a bit stale,
but he still gulped it down with large, greedy swallows,
and even though he emptied the whole cup he almost had more thirst afterwards than he had before.
So as not to waste even the last drop he licked his lips and just now noticed how rough and chapped his lips were.
The fever must have impacted him more than he had thought.

``Thank you'', he said and held the cup out to Katt.
``Can I have some more?''

``Later'', answered Katt.
``I don't think that you should drink too much at once.
How do you feel?''

The question was tinged with an unmistakeable astonishment to see him not only awake, but also standing and fully clothed.
She herself had also recuperated quite well.
She didn't necessarily look in the pink
--- she was too lean and the traces of lifelong hardship were dug too deep in her face ---,
but she seemed to have taken the previous day much better than he had,
which Andrew registered with a slight stab of envy.

``How you feel after a day like yesterday'', he said.
``Where are we?''

``Yessterday?'', asked Ratt from the door.
Andrew took a quick look in her direction and a strange feeling washed over him.
The picture from his memory wanted to push itself forward again, but Andrew hastily dismissed it again.
Ratt had an odd way to speak,
maybe even a speech impediment --- so?

``In my house'', answered Katt.
``Ratt and I brought you here.''
She made a gesture as he wanted to say something and continued.
``I would like it if you would sit down.
We know how strong and tough you are,
but that won't matter if you just collapse again.''

That was too much, even with all the thankfulness Andrew still felt.
Eventually she would have to stop getting on his nerves about her carrying him.

Twice, to be exact.

``Listen'', he started.
``I think that\dots''

The shadow at the door moved.
Ratt got closer and stepped into the grey light that streamed through the holes in the tattered sheet that covered the window,
and Andrew stopped mid sentence.
His jaw dropped.
The cup slipped out of his hand and fell rattling to the ground, but he didn't hear it.

He stared at Katt's sister with an incredulous look.

His memory hadn't been tricking him.

And it wasn't a nightmare.

In front of him a one and a half meter tall rat stood on its hind legs.

``But \dots that's \dots impossible!'', he grunted.

``Yeah, I'm happy too meet you too\footnote{This needs some work. Book pg. 149}'', hissed Ratt.
``And if it makesss you fffeel any better, I don't think you're handsssome either.''

``I must be dreaming'', mumbled Andrew.
Man-sized rats that walked on their hind legs and lisped sassy answers didn't exist.

``Please sit down, Andrew'', Katt asked.
``I think we need to explain something to you.''

Andrew actually let himself sink obediently to the edge of the bed
--- even if it was just because his knees suddenly felt like they were filled with pudding,
and couldn't support the weight of his body any more.
Katt watched him very carefully,
and he didn't overlook that she was standing in a somewhat tense position so that she could jump in if he suddenly went limp again.
This time Andrew didn't take her unmistakeable concern for granted.
He really felt as if he could collapse at any moment.
Everything was spinning around him,
but this time it wasn't due to anything physical.
He barely heard what Katt was saying.
He could only stare at the unkempt shape next to her,
who was now also a head taller than him as he sat there.
She sneered down at him with her black eyes like a demon from a fever dream.

But it wasn't a dream. In front of him stood a rat.\footnote{Oh shit! Its a rat!}

\textit{Good God, there was a man-sized, speaking rat standing in front of him!}

``Pull yourssselfff together'', hissed Ratt. ``Have you never seen a girl?''

\textit{Not one like that,} thought Andrew.
He wasn't able to pronounce the words,
it was if his throat had been sown shut.
Girl?
\textit{Girl\textinterrobang}


``I told you'', said Katt,
facing her sister but without looking away from Andrew's face.
She looked as if she was awaiting a specific reaction from him.
No.
As if she was \textit{afraid} of it.

``Bullshit'', hissed Ratt.
Her whiskers quivered like small nervous antennae as she shook her head intensely.
``He'sss playing usss!''

Andrew was far from overcoming his shock,
but he was at least able to look at the rat girl more closely.
Katt's sister wasn't really a rat,
at least not completely.
She was naked,
so he could see that she was nearly completely covered with thick brown fur.
Her build was more of a girl than a rodent:
She had hands,
her hind legs had turned into feet that were way too small on which she balanced with remarkable skill,
and she even had a long naked whip tail that was nervously twitching back and forth.
Her head was also a mixture of that of a human girl and that of a rat,
but the result was utterly astounding:
She was in no way ugly or even repulsive,
in the contrary she was cute in a way that was hard to explain.

``Yeah, whatever you mean'',
said Katt and pulled a face that made any further explanation unnecessary.

``Why don't you go and get something to eat for Andrew?
He must be dying of starvation.
And don't tell the others yet.
I want to talk to him first.''

Ratt nodded, but didn't move from where she was standing,
instead flashing a more malicious look at Andrew with her little black button-eyes.
Then she bared her teeth ---
just that they weren't rat teeth,
they were regular human pearly whites.

``That's enough'', said Andrew. ``Now its enough.''

Katt just looked at him questioningly,
but Ratt puckered up disparagingly ---
at least that's how Andrew interpreted it.
He hadn't exactly had much experience reading the facial expressions of a rat.

``You can stop with the theater now'', he continued.
``I mean: you've had your fun, but I'm good now.
You can take off your mask Ratt ---
or whatever your name actually is.''

Ratt stared at him with a murderous gaze and hissed threateningly ---
but Andrew had the feeling that none of it was real and that behind the staged anger in her eyes in actuality was only tediously ill-concealed mockery.

``The soup'', reminded Katt. ``and put a good amount of meat in it, he has a lot to catch up on.''

Of course Ratt didn't leave without giving Andrew another angry look ---
but she left.
Andrew looked after her until the curtain had closed behind her,
and even then he stared at the direction she had disappeared in for a considerable time.

``Everything okay?'', asked Katt.

``Of course'', mumbled Andrew.
``I just had a conversation with a rat, but I'm fine \dots I think.''

He tore his gaze from the door with some effort and looked at the girl.
Katt's uncomprehending look made it clear to him that the irony in his voice hadn't been understood at all.
He nodded again and this time in a serious tone
``Yeah. I was just \dots caught off guard. I didn't figure something like this would happen.''


Katt remained silent for a moment, then sat down on the edge of the bed with him
and laid her hand on his thigh with a strangely familiar gesture.
Her touch wasn't uncomfortable for Andrew,
in fact it was the opposite.
Even so he just barely could reign in his reaction to swat her hand away.
He was frightened and for the most part more confused than he had ever been before in his life.

``You're really from outside, right?'', she asked.

Andrew kept quiet.
He wasn't capable of thinking a clear thought,
much less \textit{answer} anything.

``Ratt still doesn't really believe it,
but I know that its the truth.
You were talking in your sleep.''

``And?'', asked Andrew.
`` What did I say?''

``To be honest I didn't understand most of it'', Katt admitted.
She laughed unsurely,
as if confessing it were embarrassing.
She raised her shoulders.
``But maybe it was just pointless mumbling.
You had a pretty high fever.
For a time I wasn't sure if you were going to survive it.''

``If I was talking in my fever,
how would you know that it wasn't all just nonsense anyway?'', asked Andrew.

``Was it?''

``How should I know?
I would have to remember what I had said.''
He regretted his rough tone before he was even done speaking them.
``Sorry.
But I really can't remember.''
He searched through his memory but the result was just a more confusing mess.
He wasn't even sure which parts of what he remembered were real
and which parts were a nightmare that was following him after he woke.

``I'm not surprised'', said Katt.
``You almost died.
You're the first one that got the sickness and didn't die.''

``What sickness?''
``\textit{The Sickness}'', answered Katt.
``Anybody that isn't from here gets it.
Anybody from outside.''

``Like the men in the black suits?''
Suddenly at least one of the terrible memories that he had made sense,
even though it was terrible through and through.
``Is that why they killed their own comrade?''

``They don't take anyone with them if their suit was damaged'', said Katt.
That wasn't necessarily an answer to his question,
but Andrew was still too confused to pay attention to that amount of detail.
``Some of them kill themselves.
The others die from the sickness.''

``All of them?''

``I don't know'', said Katt with a shrug.
``It is said two of them were brought here,
but they already had the sickness and died without waking up again.''

``It is said?''

``I wasn't here then'', answered Katt.
``It was a long time ago.
Maybe it isn't actually true.
Its a really long time ago you know?
Even all the old ones didn't see it themselves,
they just heard it from their parents.
That's why a lot of them don't believe that you're from outside.
But I knew it.''

The words were spoken with the utmost earnest,
but something about them didn't feel right to Andrew.
She believed him so it wasn't that.
But the way in which she believed him and had taken him under her wing against the others
(whoever that might be)
filled him with unease.
Little by little the feeling that Katt considered him to be one of her belongings crept over him.
Something that she had found and didn't want to give back.

``Your sister'', he asked. ``Ratt, is she \dots''
He nervously flicked his tongue across his lips and had to start over.
`` Is she really your sister?''

``Of course'', answered Katt.
``Don't you have siblings?''

``Nope'', answered Andrew.
``And if I had any they wouldn't look like that.''

``Not like \textit{what}?'' Katt said sharply.

``Not like you'', explained Andrew carefully.
``Not so \dots different.''

He had done something wrong.
Katt was silent for quite a while before she continued,
and her voice was noticeably colder but definitely more inquisitive than before.
``Does everyone where you're from look like you?''

``Like me?''
\textit{No hybrids between girls and rats?
Nope, definitely not.}

Katt looked at him expectingly,
but pulled her had off his leg and scooted a little bit further away.
``You don't want to talk about it'', she stated.

``No, that's not it'', said Andrew hastily.
He started to reach out to her,
but didn't dare touch her.
Odd, when they were running for their lives she had seemed like a pretty good friend.
Now that they were alone and in relative safety it felt like they had just met.

``What is it then?'', asked Katt.

``I don't know.'', answered Andrew distressed.
``I \dots''
He shook his head helplessly.
Everything was spinning around him.
This could only \textit{be} a nightmare!
He stood up with a start,
stepped forward and almost fell over because he forgot to tie his right shoe,
promptly stepping on one of the shoelaces.
He hastily bent over,
tied his shoe and wanted to turn towards the door,
but Katt held him back with a quick motion.

``Don't'', she said.
She almost sounded frightened.

``Why?'', asked Andrew.

``I would rather if you \dots''
Katt raised her shoulders.

``If I don't go out there?'', he asked with an accompanying gesture towards the door.
Katt nodded and Andrew pursed his lips, arriving at the door with two faster steps.
With a determined yank he pulled the hanging to the side and stepped out.
But in spite of everything he was still level-headed enough to stop after one step out of the door to look around.
And in the next moment he was very glad he had done that.

In front of him was a long,
asymmetrical square that seemed to have been rectangular at one point.
Now the entire row of houses on the other side had collapsed
and made an enormous pile of rubble that shoved long fingers of stone and concrete into the square.
The rest of the buildings were more or less heavily damaged and altogether leaning in the same direction,
just like he had seen before.
Red or yellow fire light shone from behind several windows and on the square two or three large fires,
around whom a number of figures sat.
In the darkness he could only identify them as stout shadows.

And even that was enough for him to tell that they weren't all \textit{human}\dots

Some of the outlines were too shaggy as if they had fur,
had long pointy ears,
or seemed to be humpbacked.
Andrew saw more than one figure that had a tail trailing them,
or some that seemed to walk on all fours.
Even the sounds that he heard reminded him of the grunting of an entire zoo more than sounds humans would make.

``Come back inside'', Katt said behind him.
After a moment she added. ``Please.''

Even though it was too dark to see the expressions on the faces of the assembled nightmare figures,
Andrew could still feel their gaze resting on him,
and the feeling was so uncomfortable that he withdrew only a moment later.
Katt was still sitting on the edge of the bed,
but Andrew didn't go back to her,
instead steering towards one of the ancient chairs and carefully sat down on it;
a camping chair made of metal that only had the wire frame left.

``They're all like Ratt?'', he mumbled.
Katt didn't react to the question and Andrew struggled to continue.
Why was it suddenly so difficult for him to find the right words?
He usually didn't have any problems with that.
Eventually he got over himself and asked the question that he \textit{actually} wanted to ask.

``But you're \dots?''

``What?'', Katt interrupted. ``Normal?''

Of course she wasn't.
\textit{Katt}.
At least after he had seen her sister
--- Ratt ---,
it should have been clear to him.
She had heard things a while before \textit{he} had.
Her oddly elegant gliding way to move about and her alarming strength.
And it was almost as if she could see in the dark.\footnote{Thanks for the catgirls Elon}

``No'', she said after a few seconds.
Her voice sounded rough.
``I'm a monster just like the everyone else here.''

``I didn't mean that'', he said hastily.

``Yes, that's exactly what you meant!''
Katt stood up with a jolt.
The mattress springs squeaked loudly.
``Do you want to see?
Here!
Look very closely!''
She stepped towards him and started to rip her clothes off with angry movements
--- which didn't take long.
She only had a shirt and pants with nothing underneath,
and no shoes.

In the pale light that filled the room like dully glowing haze,
he could only see her body as a silhouette even though she was only two steps away.
Just far enough away that he couldn't see any details
--- or touch her if he had stuck out his arm quickly.

At least at first glance her body seemed to be completely human,
even though it was very lean and emaciated.
Just looking at it gave him a sharp pang of guilt.
Under normal circumstances he would have been embarrassed
that a girl had gotten undressed in front of him just like that,
but in that moment he didn't feel anything other than sympathy;
and a gradual increase of anger for a fate that forced a kid to grow up in such squalor.
Katt's gaunt body was just like her face:
You couldn't ignore how pretty she \textit{could have been},
if she would have had the chance.

Then she turned around and he saw what she was actually trying to show him:
Between her bony shoulder blades a striped strip of fluffy fur
that followed her spine and ended right above her butt cheeks;
as if it were supposed to end in a tail that to his relief wasn't there.

Katt stood there motionless for a few seconds,
then turned her head and looked at him through blinking eyes.
Was he going crazy or did her pupils suddenly look small and shaped like those of a cat?

``And?'', she asked pointedly.
``Satisfied?
Is it what you wanted to know or am I not monstrous enough?"

After some hesitation Andrew stuck out his hand.
he had to stand up to get to her,
and even the he hesitated again before touching her.

When he finally did it,
it was the strangest feeling he had ever had.
It felt like regular cat hair,
but it was on the back of a \textit{human girl},
and that felt more uncanny and\textit{wrong} than he couldn't have imagined a second ago.

Katt recoiled slightly and shuddered from his touch,
but Andrew had the feeling that it was for a completely different reason.

He quickly chased away that thought and pulled his hand back.
Katt turned around to him and laid her head into her neck to look up at him,
and for a moment they were very close to each other.
Her eyes weren't slits like cat ears any more,
instead being large and round and seemed to be endlessly deep.
Her look was so vulnerable and shy that it reminded Andrew of a scared deer.
He raised his hand again,
and the curtain behind them was pushed to the side and a hissing voice asked ``Am I disssssturbing you?''

Andrew recoiled so quickly and abruptly that he tripped over the chair that he had just been sitting on.
For half a second he stood there in an almost grotesque stance,
waving his hands in the air to try and regain his balance before he fell over.

For once he didn't hurt himself,
but he still lay there for two,
three seconds before struggling to his feet.
Ratt stood in the door and held a metal bowl with steaming contents in her dainty hands.
She grinned shamelessly as her gaze wandered between Andrew and Katt.

Katt had taken a step back as well.
All of a sudden it seemed that she was embarrassed to be in front of Andrew like that,
because she folded her arms in front of her chest for a moment before bending over to collect her clothes and slip into them.

``No'', she belatedly answered Ratt's question while attempting to skewer Andrew with her glances.
``Andrew just wanted to see how far my deformations reached.''

``I never said that!'', protested Andrew.
Of course he had said that.
At least \textit{meant} it.
Katt left it at another scornful look and stuffed her shirt into her pants with angry movements.
Andrew could see in her eyes that she was getting more and more embarrassed that she had gotten undressed in front of him with every second.

Ratt grinned even wider and got closer.
Her tail was waving amusedly while she held out the bowl.
Andrew automatically grabbed for it and just barely didn't drop it.
The metal was as hot as its contents seemed to be.
He quickly took a step back and set the bowl on the table.
Ratt's grin didn't change a bit the whole time,
but he was pretty sure she had done it on purpose.
Her hands looked as vulnerable as baby fingers,
but apparently she could withstand significantly more heat than he could.
Or she had just kept her cool very well.

So as not to make the situation even more uncomfortable,
he hastily set the stool that he had just tripped over upright and fished the rusty spoon out of the bowl.
Of course it had slipped in,
so he had to burn his fingers even more while he was fishing it out of the hot soup,
but he would do anything to keep Ratt's grin from growing any larger.
Without making a face he wiped the spoon handle,
then his hands on his pants and started eating.
The sou was so hot that he burnt his tongue immediately,
and his fever-torn lips weren't exactly happy about it either.

But maybe it was a good thing that the soup was that hot.
It looked like slightly colored water,
and probably tasted like it too if he would have been able to taste it.